Staying Connected: A Terrific Energy Enhancer

Spending time with good friends is a surefire stress-buster and a terrific energy enhancer

Stay Connected
A recent study finds 65 percent of us spend more time with our computer than our significant other.

That fact does not exactly come as news to my girlfriend, who has oh-so-gently commented on it a few hundred times or so (but who’s counting?). In fact, the only surprising thing about that bit of research is that it’s not surprising. We’ve become an increasingly tech-tied world, and sometimes it seems like the major way we relate to one another is through the medium of an electronic device. (Not for nothing to they call the BlackBerry a Crackberry).

Sending text messages is great, but you don’t get to look into someone’s eyes. And if all our connections live in a virtual world, then, Houston have a very big problem.

My Linkedin and Facebook communities and MySpace “friends” (don’t get me started) may number in the thousand, but they cant hold a candle to my relationship with my friend Susan, whom I can actually meet at Starbucks once in a while when she isn’t taking care of her three children. Nor can any one of our collective online relationships hold a candle to the relationship we have with the person we call when we get engaged or break up with someone.

No matter how you slice it, spending time with good friends is a surefire stress-buster and a terrific energy enhancer.

It’s also a life extender. In his landmark book The Blue Zone, National Geographic explorer and writer Dan Buettner reports on four areas in the world where people live the longest and healthiest lives and are frequently active and healthy into their late ninteties and often beyond. Absolutely every one of the people he studied listed strong social connections as one of the forces in their lives.

Bottom line: It’s hard to have energy if you’re not connected.

THE STRENGTH IN NUMBERS ADVANTAGE
Now in this department, women may actually have an advantage. They seem to be hard-wired to connect to others in times of stress. A study from UCLA suggests that the stress response in women isn’t limited to just fight-or-flight, which is the typical male response to stress.

The great biologist and writer Robert Sapolsky, Ph.D., of Standford University, has characterized the female response to stress as “tend and befriend” (a possible explanation for why women go to the bathroom together on a double date!). That’s because stress triggers the release of a cascade of chemicals, including oxytocin, a “bonding” hormone that, in women at least, can elicit the urge to connect to others.

The researchers theorize that just a fight-or-flight is a throwback to our hunter-gather days, so, too, is women’s tendency to “tend and befriend”. In times of danger, the men fled or went for their weapons while women would collect and comfort their children and gather their friends, a strengthing-numbers approach to adversity.

Today, when a woman responds to stress by, say, having dinner with friends, studies suggest that she is further protected form stress by the release of even more oxytocin, producing a calming effect. The researchers even suggest that the seven-year advantage women have over men in longevity may be related to women’s tendency to connect to others.

Men create this energy-enhancing effect of connection by bonding over sports, poker, golf, or any of a number of “male” activities, even if they’re not aware of the reason. But whether you’re a man or a woman, connection increase energy. (Ever see a bunch of guys cheering on the Los Angeles Lakers during playoffs? It’s not exactly a low-energy situations!)

AN ENERGY TRIFECTS
So having a circle of family members, friends, and coworkers to swap stories with, lean on, and support is essential for our mental and physical health. Without those connections, stress wears us down more easily, leaving us fatigued, vulnerable to illness, and devoid of energy.

For more than two decades, study after study has documented the protective effect that strong social ties have against disease. Social and family connections lower blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. People with few social connections are far more likely to experience poor mental health and poor physical health, and to die prematurely (the ultimate energy drain).

As we age, strong social ties can also help us maintain an active mind. In a study of more than 2,800 people age sixty-five and older, Harvard researchers found that people with at least five social ties – church groups, social groups, or family and friends – were less likely to suffer cognitive decline than seniors who didn’t. People with strong social ties rate themselves as happier, more satisfied, and more fulfilled.

Job stress is a major energy drain. But there’s something you can do about it. A study published in the American Journal of Public Health found that workers who felt they had colleagues whom they could lean on were better bale to handle job stress and far less likely to suffer from major depression than those without supportive coworkers. Cultivating friends at work will not only help you handle stress, but it will also help protect your valuable energy reserves from being drained by the rigors of work.

Good relationships make us healthier, happier, less stressed, and more energized. The prescription is relatively easy: Strengthen the bonds of friendship and take time to spend time with the people you love. If you don’t have a circle of close friends nearby, then connect with like-minded people through religious institutions, civic groups, book clubs, volunteer work, political campaigns, or cooking classes, for example.

And don’t limit connections to the human variety. Animals offer an energy that can be contagious. (I’m absolutely convinced that having animals around me all the time is a big part of the reason I have as much positive energy as I do).

Connect with others. It will protect against sickness, lower stress, and extend life. It’s truly the energy trifecta.